If you want to be free then be free

im depressed. i dont know what to do with my life. im in college and i dont know what to do with my life. im in college and i dont want to be. im in college and doin poorly because i make bad decisions. i spend all of my time thinking about the past. the only friend i have is my girlfriend. i cant sleep at night. why do i come back to this?

if my life were a book, this title would be called reclamation.
School is done and im reclaiming what is rightfully mine; that is my life. It's time to learn what it is. experience sickness, loss, desperation, happiness, adventure,everything, it's time to make things, get inspired, and inspire others. I dont want to take advantage of every opportunity that i make for myself.
I've spent the last 18 years of my life spacing out what the world is, now i need to go and find out.
maybe this is just the wishful thinking of a child, with a romanticized idea of what it all really is/should be. maybe thats not for you to decide.

FUCK IT ALL.

my parents like to play hide-n-go-seek.

12-3 is spent in a cacophony of learning,
i'd rather be sleeping now.

i'm forced to find a claimer,
pushing me into my own disfavor.

in conclusion, its not fair to feast so well in the absence of observance.

soon i will be 18, a man! some things seem to be looking up, other things not so much. so i guess im at a sort of equilibrium. not exactly what id ask for, but not too shabby either. only one more semester of school, after that everything should improve drastically. making music seems to help witht hings, though id rather be doing more. its that time of the...life..again.. down to the last 27 dollars in my account, not even enough gas for a week.

Arrogant! BASTARD!

2 amazing things happened today,
1) i was skating and found 275 dollars! new korg wut wut!
2)i was drinving home, high, and i got pulled over, and i got a wartning ticket for swerving into the other lane.

if i werent doing such bad things id almost say i thought their was a god. tomorrow shall be even better i presume, skatin all day chillin with c and gettin a korrrrg real recording begins...now!

well, summer is over. not as good as i expected. but next summer aint no rules ta hold me back! school is pretty lame, work is extra lame. but i do like music theory class, and printing is going to be fuckin tight once i get to actual do some printing. for now im just working, and saving money for music shit, next item on my list is either a bass or a tele. tough choice, and i need dem mic's back! writing new songs puts me in an eternaly good mood! shit's tight right now. besides the obvious. this next year is gonna be great. the weather is great, and im extremely optimistic right now. shit i want a violin. we're somewhere in the city tonight. why does madcap right all their songs about "the city?" it feels like summer, maybe cause it is. ive got soo much to do and not enough time with school ad work, but i cant have a life without a job, cause i live 15 miles away from the edge of town. i feel like a good show well, updates are sure to follow!

its 543 am, asuming my clock is correct. not good. ive slept 3 hours (thats being genorious

Today is the first official day of summer, couldn't have been any better. I rode bikes all day and had picnic's. The only aspect that could remotely be considered questionable would be the job I got at the home made ice cream store. We'll just have to wait and see about it.
I've made a list of things i need to accomplish
1) fix up the bike
2) go on a trip
3) hop a train at some point
4) record 4 new songs, at least
5) get some more equipment for recording (idrum, mic stands, cables, cab, bass, bass amp, pedals, power supply, foot switch board, possibly drums and drum mics)
6) teach my self how to read music/ play piano
7) get a new tatt
8) make new stencils and tag a bunch of shit
9) get back into skating a whole bunch
10) have lots of good times.

On the contrary of today's feelings, gas is 3.43, and it costs 50 dollars to fill my tank. But, when I ride my bike the whole town smells like nuitch. I should read more.

My mouth is very dry and i dont know what to do. a beverage wouldnt help, ive tried.
I dont like it hurr no mo'. all the idiots im constantly surrounded with tend to be very bothersom.
their are just some people that i want to slap and be like "hey, your a fucking idiot! so shut the hell up!"
what would jesus do...?
Mark Crider's Autobiography is coming to life, much as mine is withering. Fair trade in my opinion, a young boy dies so an old suicidal man can live on for an eternity.
It makes me feel strange to think of all of the things that im going to miss happen, how ill never live to see the end of humanity, never know the complete story. Almost as bothersome to think about how we ravage the planet like we can hop to the next. casue we cant! and how people want to force their views upon the world creating a unified populus, which completely goes against what they say they are triying to avoid. wonder what the text books will call this period of time.



"fuck dude i think i got humans!" "ill get the special shampoo"

The past weekend was very emotional, almost bi-polar even.
Saw a dog get hit by a van so we chased him down."IT ran out in front of me but I didn't hit it."
Then to forget it all a friendly game of hide-n-go seek tag took place in the paper factory.
At the brink of starvation the mother load of al confections was dropped into our laps; our joyous success
soon turned to a devilish knot in my stomach. but it was all good.

Today i got an actual haircut for the first time in years, and i learned how to change the oil in my car.

oh, and i may be getting another job. boo!

I need muh bike!
its too nice out to drive. and i cant afford to drive haha

the monotony of columbus has already set in again. this is not a good place to be. all the people leaving is a good indicator of that.

today my English teacher asked me if I was planning on killing somebody.. I supose my bell work humor was a little too dark.

anyway cant miss korn day on american idol.

''i need a catalyst,'' as once said by the indie pop stars cursive.

i dont plan on staying here much this summer.

i plan to live in jamaica as a school teacher, and i will spend my free time climbing waterfalls, and snorkeling.
the trip did in fact create an upsurge of creative inspirations. today i feel kind of blank, and hungry, and dirty, and dreading school tomorrow.

I had a dream I was walking around burping extremely loud, and little children were staring in awe. That could say something about my truew self. haha i hope not.
im out of this country.

im out of shape. and this prohibition needs a remedy. and its not reading, writing, or music. or maybe those are exacly whats i needs, along with a pinch of warm weather. bike rides, walks through creeks, running around scheming plans of mischief, climbing for that one of a kind angle! It all sound so good, but i don't thnk this summer can come as close to parts of last. The begining to be precise. I have so many unattainable aspirations, mostly because of my self imposed limitations. i wish to complete my zine by April 1st. but i doubt it will happen. My plot of revenge will be nearing completion soon. i need only to pick a date of my choice.Then i will once again have a bike to ride! i hate how i happen to pick up the most horribly created moveis. All of the best film ideas,in my opinion, fall into the laps of the worst cinematographers. on the note of movies, how are films a lesser form of art? a film is the same as a painting, a song, a photograph. but like those their are always going to be the pop-crap-typical genre, the only thing to do is to find the right ones. just because most films are made for mindless idiots, containing no means or message doesnt mean that they all are. It seems pointless to do something like such without a point. you should always be striving for progression in all that you do, music, painting, organizing events. i love v for vendetta. haha. i can only dream of being a master wielder of knives such as he. haha but that doesnt stop me from practicing at work. I like to think of V as being Mr. Lyndsey under that mask, i know he dreams of it!
who wouldnt want to be that bad ass? except for the 3rd degree burns consuming his body...

I've decided to stop watching tv and internet, except for livejournal, in hopes of sparking an onset of a creative upsurge.

I don't want to work, thats the end of it. but i have to, at least until i graduate. I need a new car as well, it takes me an hour to start mine when its cold out. Ive already replaced the alternator twice, and it has an oil leak. So all of my money (what little money i have) goes to my car. i save about 20 dollars a week. out of the 90 i make. which is a whole other problem within its self. but ive finally accepted that, my existance is worth minimum wage to the dairy queen corporation (grill and chill division).
i hate lotza sh1t r1ght n0w.
I finished burn collector. Not as good as i thought it would be. Its mostly just a middle aged man, writing about how his life sucks, i think it would be much more interesting to know the person than to read his zines. Im not saying its complete trash, and i am glad that i have. ecspecially since muh girl bought it for me for our birthday!
I love getting as much as i can from school. lotsa interesting boks waiting to be nic'd. the books store has all these books that i want, i just need to get the class list. Then THEM SUCKAS IS MINE!
I feel myself getting less and less intelligent by the day.

im making a zine. all by my self, and it makes me happy. but i dont know if it will be good, since i dont really know how to go about doing it. but w/e ill just wing it. I really really dont want to work, or if i do i want it to be watching movies, eating food, and writing. but that probably wont happen. i want a job where i can just chill, and dress like me, and act like me. i dont know. sometimes i found myself to be interesting, then other times im a fucking idiot. and when is this damn blizzard supposed to get here?! and this is pointless.

Progress on my quilt has come to a sand still. not enough time in the day to do the things i want. work every day for little money... a good 20 hours of hard work for 90 dollars. absolute shit! too bad i dont have anyother option :)..summer should be better. Addison and I are recording now, so i guess thats good, even though its taken a week just to get to tracks. W0W is back is sech, and im officially a stuck up dick head. W00twooT. i have soo many things that i want to do, with soo many new thoughts, and ideas to write down. i dont have time to write down a stupid presentation over Chandra Levy and who i think killed her. If the professionals,who get paid, cant do it. im not going to be able to, ecspecially not for free those bitches! Im also doing some music on my own sincve i have all this awesome recording stuff out.